Alec Holowka was a game developer recently accused of, among other things, sexual assault. The “trigger” to his suicide was a series of allegations by Zoe Quinn, a game developer who wrote an entire book about what it’s like to be shunned, shamed, and attacked on social media. For a long time, I considered her one of my saviors, someone whose books kept me alive, made me feel like I’m not alone.
Now? I’m not going to pass judgment until I hear her speak. But if there was anyone in the world who understands social media’s ability to destroy a life, it would be M. Quinn.
I’m told Alex didn’t want us to weaponize his death, or attack Ms. Quinn. I don’t intended to do either. I’d just like to talk about five things that Alec’s suicide teaches us.
- Yes. Online harassment, by adults, towards adults, is absolutely enough to kill an adult.
I know at least a few people who (always) say “Well, it might do this in extreme situations, but they’re probably very bad people, and we still need to cancel everything we believe to be evil.”
To which my response is, “Well, I’d like to get Alec’s opinion, but he’s dead. But I didn’t kill myself; I just thought about it for months, so I’ll put in my own opinion:
Lots of #canceled people feel like we should kill ourselves. Your attitudes helped kill this man, killed the game he was working on, and killed our chance to hear him speak about this, ever again.
That’s not okay.
2. Making someone’s job a pressure point makes for a worse world in which to work.
It’s not hard to target the job of anyone who works in media, in a public sphere, at a small company — really, almost any kind of job is potentially vulnerable to this. Few businesses (and almost no artistic businesses) are so wealthy they can easily face, say, a loss of 10% revenue. So targeted a business has been effective (up until now).
It’s also deeply upped the ante on making our workplaces more hellish. What’s it like to work in a place where, if an Internet mob went after you, you’d lose your job?
To every independent creator who self-supports through their art and work: You work in such a place. And maybe you support these boycotts because your personal or philosophical convictions tell you they’re against Bad People. And that’s fine — for now.
But boycotts are not patented by any political side, by any clique, by any faction. Many fan-run businesses have a lot of clientele from one particular side of the political spectrum, and that makes them safer.
But the more you do things that keep yourself safe — like base yourself on your politics — the more the people in fandom who don’t agree with you, and they do exist and are sincerely not just Russian bots or something — will go elsewhere.
You’re already losing business. Right here. Right now. Because of this polarization. We all are. Because if a critical mass of fandom decides to boycott enough segments of the industry, companies die. If enough companies die, too few new things get made. If new things don’t get made, fandoms lose fans, and that piece of the fandom economy just dies.
3. Fandom employers need to stand up to mobs. And that’s a hard one. Because years ago, I was saying — and loudly — that those who did NOT take any particular political stance were, by default, aiding the Enemy.
Granted, my idea about enemies has changed. Do you know who the real enemy is?
Those who want to burn things down instead of create.
I will back any studio which says, “We take these matters very seriously; but we also take our commitment to creation seriously, and while we try to figure out what to do, we’re not going to remove an employee because of an angry internet mob.”
Does that weaken people’s ability to complain about actual harassment and improper behavior? Yes; but so does mobbing. Because a mob is not generally saying, “Okay, let’s talk about this”, they’re saying “OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT!”
This drowns out any kind of reasonable discussion process. I’ve seen people who are afraid to speak up about small workplace problems because they’re afraid of getting someone fired, so the problems go on. I’ve seen people who will make the smallest workplace problems into Mount Doom, and so everything gets thrown out.
These are both bad solutions.
4. If you apologize when you kill yourself, people will pick it up and say that you’re admitting guilt.
This is one of the ugliest pieces of this whole mess — if we don’t count, you know, the actual death. I’m seeing it happen on Twitter — “He apologized and asked people not to attack Zoe”. Well, that seems like something would do if he was full of remorse. Guess what? You can be full of remorse and still not be guilty of the alleged crimes. You can be hurting over people who are hurt, whether or not you intended to cause them hurt. This happens all the time in our daily lives; we just somehow pretend that, o social media, it’s different.
5. For those of you who haven’t been the targets of mobs, Mr. Holowka pointed something out: The moment of your accusation is one of the hardest moments. The Internet can turn on you; friends can turn on you; your company can turn on you.
This is when people will try to get you to make statements. This is when people will try to make you act with rapidity. When you’re being hit from all sides, when you’re trying to go through your own mind and assess what you’ve heard against what you’ve done. I don’t know how much of this happened to Alex; I know all of it happened to me.
Live through that moment. Talk to me if you want; I’m @darklordjournal on Twitter. I don’t know everything. I’m not saying I’m the best person or the only person. You and I may have different politics. You may even look me up and decide that I’m guilty, and writing this for Gods-know-what reason. I don’t care. I used to recommend going to Zoe Quinn’s Crash Override network; I don’t anymore. I don’t think talking to me solves the problem; I’m just sayng, I’m going to to offer to listen. Other people out there: If you’re willing to listen without judging — even if you think that person might be wrong, even if you think they’re guilty — tell the world you’re willing to listen.
To those who get hit by this, remember: You’re not the only #canceled person in the world. You’re not alone.
And if you haven’t been canceled, two things:
I. Some people don’t survive cancellation. Are you really, sincerely okay with that?
II. Those of us who DO survive it, we come out fighting it, not with our egos, not with our fanciest words, but with our lives. Because those are our stakes, and I can finally say that out loud.